Tomorrow morning will both be an exciting day and a weird day for us. That’s because tomorrow morning I will give my “donation” to be washed and given a pep talk before being shot directly into my wife, where hopefully a little egg or two will be waiting. It’s exciting because two weeks from tomorrow (god, that wait is going to suck) we will learn if my wife is pregnant. It’s weird because I have to go into a room with 2 year old playboys and do private business into a cup.
When we started this process, one of the first things we did was get my swimmers tested. We found out that while they are plentiful, and their morphology is up to snuff, a decent percentage of them are as unathletic as their creator. This, along with a couple other reasons, is why our doctor is skipping timed intercourse (aka scheduled sexy time) and is having us go straight to an IUI.
Now, let me just say that masturbation is normal. It’s not a secret in our marriage. My wife would not be insulted if I did the five knuckle shuffle, and I wouldn’t have a second thought if she let me knew that she flicked the bean. But, it is nothing to be ashamed of (assuming you’re not neglecting the one you love), I have to admit it is neither fun nor enjoyable when you do it at a doctor’s office. Part of that is because you’re not in a comfortable place, and the other part of it is because you know that every nurse there knows what you’re doing in that room.
Let me perfectly clear. At least in our situation, my wife has it mentally 10,000 times harder than me. She’s the one who has to take the shot, have the magic wand “inserted” multiple times a week, etc. She’s also the one that has had to mentally cope with her body betraying her at no fault of her own. She didn’t do anything to deserve this, just as I assume about everyone else out there reading this in the same situation. My wife is a caring, sweet, smart, hard-working, thoughtful, karma-thinking, person. I love her because of all of those qualities. I’d love her if we never have a biological child because of those qualities as well. Her ability to stay positive throughout this process and seemingly become an expert in a few short months has been nothing short of amazing.
While tomorrow will be uncomfortable, it’s nothing compared to what my wife is dealing with mentally. But, for this split second, I think I can be a little self conscious about dropping my pants and a receptionist telling me to have fun when I head through the door. For a few minutes tomorrow morning I will be a bit selfish and experience just a fraction of the feelings my wife has been dealing with for a while now.
Once it’s all over, all of my attention will go back to my wife, praying that the IUI will go smoothly and that this will be the last month of pills and shots. The internet says there is about a 20% chance of the IUI working on the first try, wish us luck.