Despite what I’ve been writing on this blog, I must admit to everyone that 2014 has been a pretty good year. The wife and I have traveled to Los Angeles and Las Vegas, seen family in Ohio and Chicago, went on a cruise in the Gulf of Mexico, celebrated our one year anniversary, ran two or three different races, saw a couple of great concerts, and built a functioning garden in our back yard. Looking back at the last 12 months shows that 2014 was a great year, one full of accomplishments, successes, laughs and happiness. At some point in the future, when this blog evolves into discussing a wider range of topics, I’ll post pictures of our adventures, but until then, you’ll just have to trust me.
Despite 2014 being a lost year for childbearing, I can honestly say that I enjoyed 2014, and I would be happy with a similar 2015, as long as it included a few differences. 2014 tested our patience as a couple, it tested our ability to communicate, it forced us to learn how to control our anxiety and it taught us how to console each other during tough times. While those lessons may suck in the moment, they are incredibly important in the long run. They are skills that we, as a committed married couple, will need when the wife gets pregnant and when we become parents.
The infertility journey we’re currently going through is not fun, not for a second. It’s not fun for the wife getting poked and prodded every week, or several times a week, it’s not fun for her to take drugs on a daily basis or inject herself with shots, it’s not fun having to wait while not being able to DO anything, it’s not fun having no answers yet being expected to have faith. But, I have to believe that it’s teaching us lessons that we’ll use in the future. It’s preparing us for what’s to come. As the Rolling Stones put it “You can’t always get what you want, But if you try sometime you find, You get what you need”.
As 2014 turns into 2015 there are certain goals I have for myself, for us as a couple. Some people call these resolutions, but these are different than just wanting to eat less chocolate or declaring that I’m going to start working out.
- End the infertility struggle and begin the pregnancy process. This could happen in less than 30 days. If I got to choose, that’s how I would have it happen. But I’m not in control of this. A realistic hope is that we get to an IUI in January, and get a BFP by the wife’s birthday in May.
- Become a more patient person. I will be the first to admit that I’m not a very patient person. When I see something wrong, I want to fix it. When my wife has a headache, I want to get her advil, when the sink is clogged I want to take it apart, etc. But, as I’ve learned over the past year, there are some things that I can’t fix or simply should not be fixed right away. This is going to be especially important while the wife is pregnant, assuming that goal #1 is reached.
- Prepare for fatherhood. Some of you are going to laugh at this. I know that there is no way I can actually prepare to be a father beyond a certain extent. But there are some things I can do, such as saving money, staying healthy, reading books, reading more of your blogs, and being better at planning ahead.
- Continue to have fun with my wife. While we can hope and pray that this infertility journey ends, it’s not really something we have complete control over. But, what we can control, is that we continue to have fun, experience new things together, grow closer and build on what I consider an already pretty great marriage. There is no reason that we should stop going on trips, seeing family, taking pictures, eating great food, cooking great food, running races, and just generally enjoying being with each other.
Change scares some people, and I have to admit that it scares me at times too. But, I’m not going to let 2015 scare me. Bring it on and everything it can throw at us. We’re stronger because of 2014, and in 12 months I know in my heart that we will be even stronger. So 2015, give us your worst, give us your struggles and your patience testing BS, but just know that we’re not giving up, we’re going to be here and come out at the end smiling one way or another.