To Tell or Not to Tell?

No really, I want to know from anyone who might actually read this (according to WP, that’s about all of 85 people in about a month. WOO!!), when did you tell your parents/loved ones about your desire to start trying for a baby and your infertility experiences? Also, how often did you update them afterward?

Right now, that’s the dilemma that I’m dealing with. I want to tell my parents about everything that is going on because I know that they’d want to know, I want someone else to talk to about this experience, and keeping a secret this big from them just doesn’t sit right. The wife and I decided together not to tell them (or really anyone else) originally due to a variety of factors, most of which were related to we didn’t want them to become too concerned/excited, we didn’t want to have to continue to give updates on a daily/weekly basis, and we didn’t want an “unrequested” opinions about what we should be doing.

But, as time has gone on we’ve shared the news with my wife’s parents and shared it with a couple of friends. Because of the doctor appointments, I have shared it with my boss so that she doesn’t get worried and start thinking that I’m dying. But in all, we’ve kept the circle of information pretty tight, with many of our friends and family in the dark. But, now that we’re several months into the process, I am finding myself wanting to share everything with the two people who brought me into this world.


I do have permission from the wife to share the news, but the questions remain: when, how, and if. I’ve kept this secret for this long, so why change it now? We had reasons for not sharing at the beginning, and most of them still apply, so maybe we should just keep it all to ourselves. If I do tell them, when should I do it. I don’t want to take over Thanksgiving by dropping this news on them during the holiday, but is there ever really a good time? Lastly, how do I tell them that I have this huge and exciting news (we’re trying to have a baby), that is also kind of sad (we’re getting fertility help), that I’ve also kept from them for several months?

In all honestly, I’d love your thoughts (you being the entire world wide web, AKA my 85 visitors).

Anyway, that’s what’s on my mind as the wife and I wait for the estrogen birth control pills to do their things. I’ll have more on them in a day or two.


3 thoughts on “To Tell or Not to Tell?

  1. My hubby and I made no secret of wanting to try for a baby add soon as we married. Almost 4 years later we regret being so open about it as most people either pity is our give us unwarranted advice. I wish we had kept or hopes to ourselves, so I think the less people who know, the better.
    But, I must also mention I had a friend who used to jokingly berate her husband like “aw, I just need to convince him first ” etc. Turned out about 5 years later when they got pregnant that we heard that they’d been trying to conceive the whole time. I felt so guilty for any joke, laughter etc I’d ever spoken on the subject, but I totally understand why they did it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know this is a month old, but I’ll chime in. Obviously, by reading my blog, you know that I’ve told anyone who reads it my issues. As for my personal life, we’ve told both our parents, immediate family, close friends and like you, my boss. I like the support. I like to have someone to bitch to other than my husband, who hears it enough, haha. I like that people have stopped asking me when we’re going to have kids, because that got old REAL quick!
    I think you should tell your parents because I’d want my kids to tell me when something is wrong. They’ll understand why you haven’t said anything, that’s what they do 🙂


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