Taking a break from the educational series on the reproductive system that should have happened in 7th grade; today I’d like to rant about how much waiting sucks on every. single. level.
As my wife and I work toward adding a new level of complexity to every single future vacation (we’re pretending like we’ll get to take vacations), we’ve had to become experts at waiting. But conception patience is not the same as waiting for the new season of Homeland or for the weekend to start. Conception patience is completely different because not only do you not know the results, but you don’t even know when you’ll get to know. Someone smart once said that the hardest part is not knowing. Well, the wife and I live not knowing these days.
When it comes to fertility, or infertility, there are entire websites and support groups centered around “the 2 week wait”. Why two weeks? Because for couples that are trying to create life, two weeks is the normal amount of time from ovulation until Aunt Flow either shows up or doesn’t. But for the wife and I (most importantly the wife), we’d kill for two week deadlines where we’d get an answer every month.
There is no perfect way to describe our own personal patience hell happening right now. As I mentioned mere sentences above, most couples have to wait about two weeks from period to ovulation and then another two weeks to find out if the red devil will make an appearance or not. But not for us. Because we’re fighting through some, lets call them difficulties, we don’t have a set schedule like that.
For us, waiting is taking pills for about two weeks, and then waiting for two weeks to see if the pills do what the doctors hope. But two weeks doesn’t always mean two weeks It could be two weeks, or three, or one, or nothing could happen at all. For us, the end of the wait usually ends with more question marks, another doctor appointment, more medications and more waiting.
To explain this to someone who has not had this “life experience” can be somewhat difficult. But I’m going to give it a try by comparing it to something almost everyone can relate to, waiting for school grades. Back when life was simple, grades were the biggest deal in the world. But, there was one thing you could count on; knowing exactly when the grades were coming and the knowledge that you’d get your questions answered on that date.
But this isn’t how it works for us right now. Instead, we wait for the grades to come, which may or may show up. Then, in lieu of getting the full grades in the mail, we are asked to retake a test for the chance at one day seeing our grades. After taking the test and waiting some more, we’re asked to keep waiting, keep taking tests, and then wait some more…. indefinitely. When my wife goes to the doctor, she doesn’t simply hear that she’s pregnant or not pregnant, she’s told to take some more pills, inject herself a few more times and then come back in a few days. When she comes back, there are no more answers, it’s just wait some more (at some point this will end, just not yet).
It sucks. It more than sucks. It drives us insane. We hate waiting. We both try our damnedest to stay positive each and every day. But it’s hard because there is no date we can look forward to when we’re going to get an answer. Some days we’re better at it than others. Even on the good days the minutes can feel like hours.
There are hundreds if not thousands of blogs, articles and books about surviving the two week wait. Right now, we’d kill for that type of deadline each and every month. Are we going to make it to that point? I think so. I wouldn’t be writing about our experience if I thought it was going to end in sadness. But until further notice, the only thing we can do is wait, do what the doctors say and stay hopeful. I like to say that we’re being tested and in the end we’ll be rewarded. But damn, I sure wish I could give my wife a specific date when we’ll be rewarded.